It was all rain. From dawn till sundown. This morning I saw the sun scintillating the sky. Reminded of a light of hope. That every shit in life is only a barrier that we can pass through if we are ready to be smeared with crap.
And yet tonight, amidst all the noise of raining chattering the roof, and darkness in the sky, there is still a glowing amber at a distance in the sky. Right above the horizon. The thought that came to mind was, maybe houses were razed again? But then reality hit me, I realised it's impossible for a fire to be lit under this heavy downpour.
When I think further ahead, I remembered that Petronas is located in that direction. So the bright amber was coming from them. And it reminded me again about hope. No matter how heavy the rain is, fire can still come alive. Through persistence. Maybe I'm growing sentimental, but as a man who likes to drown himself in deep thoughts, it's understandable.
So I'm contemplating on this matter. Seeking justice for my prejudiced ties with the beyond. For what shall I thirst for defeat when I know I can win? What shall be thrown towards me to make stand up again, feeling lighted, embrace the wind, and scud with the clouds?
A friend once told me that "It's the choice you have made, and there's no turning back. Just go through it." I was disappointed at first with that remark. But then, it could be a laconic message in which can only be deciphered by my heart and conscience.
When I feel like singing, I just sing. When I feel like laughing, I kid around. However, not all acts come in that form of freedom. I myself wish that when I feel like changing my decisions, time would just go back.
Maybe this post is a way of me letting out. Opening that cage that's trapping the phantom. But somehow, it's only emptiness that is propagated towards the future's present past. Confusion. Bewildered. Even as I myself feel like a backbone for some, shouldn't I carry myself? Or an vividly 'unseen' force should guide me along in the form of the " 3 F's", friends, families and foes.
Maybe by writing can I only express but my expressions are often limited cause they may be offensive or inappropriate. Don't we get that all the time? We wish to tell something of great importance but is rather impeded because we are afraid of the repercussions. The minds of people. It's like plasma in a transparent tube. So beautiful and amazes us, and when it is touched, all is distorted.
Is this all because of regrets? Maybe. Or rather because I'm afraid to find out what the future have in store for me? Or is there such thing as thinking too much? The weather is just perfect for contemplation. To sail into my own mind and answer questions that are left unanswered. To find a reason for the unexplainable. To find hope if a loved one seek help from me.
Even my body is telling me to slow down. I'm all worked up from top to bottom, yet there isn't anything much that I have done. Nothing debilitating. Come to think of it, I'm letting nature do it's work on me, which of course should be the other way round. Which reminds of thermodynamics in physics. If the gas is acting upon a closed system (volume of vessel increases) , the work done in denoted with a positive sign (+), whereas if the system is working on the gas (volume decreases because of compression), the work done is denoted with a negative sign (-). Therefore, I'm imputing myself for being negative.
I should work on nature and device my own future I suppose?
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