We did not have the topic "time" when I was your age.

All good things come to an end. I wish my exams were good. At least the lost would be a meaningful. How do I give myself a better head start next time? What drills should I do to improve my sprint on the track?

My classmates actually complain too about the exams. Stating that it's tough and what they have studied did not come out in the papers. How true is this? Is it because of studying the wrong topic that causes us to flop? I don't think so.

Maybe it's the way we approach it. Or the way we handle it. Knowledge is fragile if we don't know how to look after it diligently .

So, exams are done but studies are not over. It's a perpetual process. Teachers would continue teaching cause STPM is yet to come. A year is shorter than you might think. Just another birthday.

And afternoon was accustomed to rehearsal for tomorrow's prize giving day. One thing that preys my mind, why is it that rehearsal are never done within the time planned? And the whole rehearsal thing was done in such an unplanned manner that many minutes were wasted. That's why such events or any related ones always exceed the so called time. There's no real thoughts and planning given into these events. No strategy. They must be easily beaten in strategy games.

Something that can be done in a much shorter amount of time took them much longer than expected. Where's the professionalism?

But it had always been that way and I often ask, "Why won't they learn from mistakes?" . Both parties ( myself and them) realises that it's pretty debilitating to wait for nothing. We students are often dubious on teacher's act and we are always left like slaves, unknown of what their masters are planning with their generals.

Tomorrow's the real deal, the prize giving day. I just hope it won't be as abject as today. It's tiring and showing the lack of maturity, the example that you superiors should present. But like all of you who abused your superiority, your mistakes is our fault and we get the blame for it. Oh well, I did mention the word 'abuse'. :P

Goodnight, readers!

P/s : My prize is for first place and best for physics. Yes. Physics.

Einstein, let's play rock paper scissors.

All the while, during my schooldays, I have never gotten the 'red pen' in my report card. Not that I prefer red instead of blue/black. In Chinese beliefs, it represents good luck or fortune, but in when comes to exams, Chinese or non- Chinese, it means horror.

This is not a self-praise statement and probably not a good sentence to begin a topic with, but this achievement made feel I'm on par with the rest of society. I suppose some of us have never thought that the colour of pens may bring significant effect to our lives.

Having not tasted failure made for many years gave me the fear to actually face failure. We are aware that the best way to succeed in life is by learning from our failures. Like Thomas Edison (persistent failure), whose numerous failures gave birth to the light bulb.

However, this so called achievement met it's downfall (like Al Capone) when I was in Form 4. When I failed a paper for the first time. To make matters worse, I was down by 1 mark. Imagine the frustration. And the subject I failed is my favorite subject to date, Physics. The study of natural phenomenon. The field that brought Einstein to prove Sir Isaac Newton wrong. One of the difference these two great man is, just a thought for you, Newton needed an apple to produce his theory, and Einstein needed a Swiss train (if you know your history/legends). Who loves mother nature?

Anyway, ever since that blunder, I made physics a part of me, my heartbeat and nurtured it till this very day. But blah, it ain't easy. Everything's physics. Life used to be simple before it arrived. And now, I looked at the world from a whole different perspective. It's a good thing though, keeps your mind consistently pre-occupied and makes you imagine the once thought unimaginable (ultimate cliche')

What keeps the universe together? What keeps it in motion? Why can't we feel the Earth's rotation? How does a sniper fire with great precision? Why fart makes sound and some doesn't?

Everything has it's origin and reasons, physics helps us to discover it. Some of you might find this useless, some of you might say "rubbish ramble" but hopefully some of you might see things at differently asking how do things appear. Things may appear in such sheer simplicity, but may have a rather intricate birth. It'll be interesting to find out how or why things appear as they are. Makes you feel smart.

Alright, enough with the crap. I did bad in my physics this morning.

Peace out.

Wisdom!

Help the chicken cross the road,
And it'll raise a million questions,
Help me in my exams,
Is certainly out of the question.

Athena, help me make the right decisions..

Straight ahead..

Down the stretch I lay upon my sight,

While the blues filled the atmosphere,

And I thought,

What better way to struck the chords?

Anyway,

I looked straight ahead,

It looked closer than yesterday,

But life doesn't always illustrate itself vividly,

Just our imagination that brings it to life.

I moved up,

Sustaining along a great fortitude,

Knowing that each step,

Carries me away from bygones.

Rising up are walls of recapitulation,

"That soon?"

But I keep my eyes forward,

I tell myself,

I'll make it there in time..

When will it end?

When will it end?
I have thoroughly inspected my response.
How I want to hear,
My superior guard uttering,
"Time's up. Stop writing!"
Yet the pencils still scratch the sheet,
"I said stop writing!".
All is quiet,
But expressions are clothed with frustration,
And withal that,
It's the moment that we inadvertently,
Heave a sigh of relief and of worry.

When will it end?
I have put down my utensils,
Anticipating, eager and excited,
Still time creeps with the same pace.

Now I see the guard standing up,
Again I ask,
When will it end?
He walks to the front,
And out the words that I've longed for,
"Alright class. Time's up. I'll come collect the answer sheets now"

Connecting the other side by means of virtuality.

http://ballerexx.blogspot.com/

This is my second blog, called "The Poetic Cruise" (still not confirmed
though) It's the collections of my poems and songs.. If you're
interested in poetry or songwriting, do have a look. Comments/ideas
are very much appreciated as w...e learn from each other.. And do link me in your blog, along with this too.. =) Thanks in advance.;)

Exams (2009) Season 2 Episode 3.

Thoughts for the day :

• Data description is not interesting enough. Does anyone know the magic of statistics/data description in form 6? Do tell me.


• Trigonometry is much more interesting. Fun to answer but kills a lot of precious time.


• It's fun to do trigo questions. Makes me feel smart. At least for the moment.


• Like yesterday, three is hours is less than enough time to complete maths.


• Multiple choice answers are the best. It gives a the chance to show off my atrocious firing skills.


• I gotta work on my Pengajiam Am before it pulls me down for good.

A cool night..

The cold night muttered a comforting wind,

Something I made out from the unseen,

Dropped a sweat yet it's so chilly in my head,

As the gentle wind sways me to my bed.

Phewwee.

It's been 5 days since my brother first showed signs of illness. Whenever it starts to get better, affliction would come to heat up the thermometer again.

It's a worrying incident especially with the all the stories about flu and fever symptoms circulating around us. It's no "it's nothing to be worried about" matter. Thus, it is kind of worrying my family, though not to their wits yet. Hopefully it won't even come close to that.

It's sad to see him in such debilitated state and I hope he'll get better real soon.

Exams (2009) Season 2 Episode 2.

"Teacher, the paper's tough!"

"What tough? You didn't study, right?"

"Forgot ma"

*Sigh*

Totally bad answer, I know.

Maths was not easy. The answers were there actually but they hid inside my pen.

Damn those Stabilo pens.

I didn't leave those pages empty for no reason, Miss Choong.

Not enough time. 3 hours. 3 hours is not enough for 12 questions.

You could drive to Miri with that much time, but not finishing Maths paper.

Einstein, help me slow down time. Relativity would come in handy here.

Catch episode three tomorrow.

Peace out.

(Untitled)

The audible knock of the door behind me,

Slid through the gaps of the cut air,

That was sliced by my conscience.

I halted my reading just for a moment,

Closed it and a 'thud' fused in the cacophony.

I pushed the seat away is my comfort,

To scrutinize my own wonders of,

"Who might that be?"

Every step is as paced with the thumping,

And my own heartbeat joined in the pulse,

Tempo increasing like a recital reaching it's climax.

I'm so close to the door now,

All I need is to reach for that knob,

As I pulled it open,

The cold air gushed upon my face,

Impaired my sight just for a twinkle.

I blinked quickly hoping to gain it back.

As my vision glued together,

A figure appeared,

That expression, that distant image I've almost forgotten.

I simpered.

"Oh, it's you",

I held back saying so many,

That my warm delight was eager to express.

But with arms outstretched,

I took a step closer,

And hugged the emptiness..

Downstruck By Bewilderness

I’ve trusted that the top was in my grasp,

But my hands were hit by his thoughts.

Why have I not made a different understanding!

Scarce these moments!

My heart screams but my throat hinders it’s sound,

The uttered only built an impediment,

Between my projection and their laughter.

What must I say?

I’ve strove to say the better,

It’s just not the same orientation.

It’s all a clock you see,

Ticking every second,

Only to point in the same direction,

Again and again..

Help me anyone,

To propagate my own being.

©Copyright Rex Fonseka

What's more than just love?

Eluding from my only grasp,
No worries running through my forehead,
As it like waves
The sun is streaming to you,
Scintillating my path.
Hallucinating you're running away,
I was kicked by reality,
Realizing it's only but a real dream.
I love is not the only way,
Sorry is not the word I know.
As years go by,
Wandering in this torrid sandless dessert,
I've built my fortress,
With my heart as it's core,
Emotions as it's foundation,
And the walls built with great fortitude.
You tripped and fell on a pebble,
Yet it's a heavy burden to carry.
I'm not too far away,
I watched and understood why.
So I'll come closer,
To hold you tight,
Like you want me to.

©Copyright Rex Fonseka

Crying jubilantly.

Your laughter is no mere symphony,
No! Your heartbeat's no cacophony!
Ah! Even your eyesight plays a melody.
Though sometimes I do feel silly,
Haha! When you smile at me especially.

I remember when I was dizzy,
Your hands laid on me gently,
Oh! No more I'm ever weary,
You lifted me and stole my worry.

And Alas! Gone is feeling lonely!
You illuminated me dearly,
And now we glide freely.

How long can we merry?
How little enduring with pity?
Surely no less than eternity!

So across we swam happily,
To be side by side on the greenery,
While the twinkles we stare shine brightly,
But! With faith the dream's till infinity,

For you see,
There's a blissful love that's blessed between you and me.

©Copyright Rex Fonseka

A beginning that never ends.

Have I swayed under this quite translucent glass for too long now?

Have I not tasted the sunshine on the tip of my toes?

Have I impulsed my transfiguration against the depth of my own heart that causes me to catch my own reflection?

Have I choked myself between those helping hands?

Have I wandered away from from my "used to be adamant being"?

Have I plucked the string of remorse?

No. Not anymore.

I've lived under this blissful light that glitters my way.

Obscurity is now overthrown by the sense of trust.

The seed I've once planted in the epicenter of my faith is growing, spreading like the cottons planted by the Gods of the Heavens.

I've once suffered in an unforeseen battle of the gladiators trying to kill their way out of vengeful lives but have finally seep into rationality.

Those hands have walked me along a beach of utter remorse;

Jaunty to see them pulled back by the endless waves and sucked by the separation of the sea and the sky.

I see the light. It's in my grasp at long last. Glowing with an almost blinding radiance.

Waved my hands that scintillated my paradise;

Till erything is illuminated with lust and hunger.

I'm a new born-child, looking for the breast to suckle.

When the voice of an angel lifted me;

To lay my gently on the cottons once planted by the Gods of the Heavens;

Away from the wrath of wretched demeanor;

Where it all began.

©Copyright Rex Fonseka

Putrid Nihilty

Grovel under the affliction,

Clambered the stairs of power,

Scudded with clouds away from truth.

But the sight of time was till infinity,

Cascading from the fear ejected,

When the busker played it's remorseful tune,

For the King who stood erected,

On the deception's throne.

Tears be shed by the damned,

The doomed grabble into sin.

Mortals in search of Styx,

To eradicate Achilles' Heel.

I stood here wondering,

Is the world evanescing?

Will it become a putrid nihility?

©Copyright Rex Fonseka

Departing..

How long need I wait?
It's getting dimmer.
Hold on,
Is that your heartbeat I hear?
Echoing of the walls that's closing in,
Or could it be Mother Time chanting,
Words I can't understand?
Where's the other side?
I crept through this cave,
This tunnel,
This emptiness.
But all I could grasp is just,
The shadow you leave behind.
I want to cry out,
I want to see again.
Ignite my will, my love,
Let the darkness scream in fear,
The one we once created,
With our enclosed minds.
Your hand,
Your warm touch,
If only I could hold it,
Just one last time,
Let me feel it,
Then I could just.....

©Copyright Rex Fonseka

Will Get Used..

I listen to my own self talking,

Speaking through my own heart beat,

It’s not that I don’t appreciate,

The words just won’t let me admit it,

Time is not my friend anymore,

I can’t even trust something without life,

Who am I to me then?

All I did was contained myself,

Opening up would cause a worse stir up,

I’m a circle of fire,

Trouble is all around me,

I’ll have to get used,

Get used to this feeling,

When people look through you,

Instead of seeing what’s in you,

It began uneasy cause,

Questions with no answers asked,

To see if I was paying the price,

No. No. No.

It wasn’t enough for me,

I never had enough,

Stopped doing many things,

And still it never actually stopped,

So then again,

As I said,

I’ll get used to it,

Is it solitary confinement of the soul?

I’ll understand what it means,

Where nobody wants to know myself,

I would know how to handle it,

Sooner or later,

I’ll get used to being alone,

All the time.

©Copyright Rex Fonseka

Coming soon : Exams (2009)

It's a cold night with the cool breeze whispering gently onto my face, sending a chill down my spine. I was driving all alone under the streetlights, accompanied by the many occupants of the road.

I happened to be on my way back after sending my brother to the airport and driving alone under the rain is rather an interesting experience, be it actually the first such event happened.

It's funny though, even though it's pouring outside, it still is rather relatively hot around here. I mean, it's the chill that one would expect from on a night such as this. I'm sweating.

Anyway, exam is going to start tomorrow. And hopefully I'll come more prepared this time compared to the last exam which I supposedly didn't do too well.

It actually began today though, since the MUET speaking paper was commenced this morning and I guess I did "OK. Topic well defined, points well elaborated that comes with suitable examples." - quoted from Mr. Dennis-. However, there was a problem with my eye contact. He said it'll show a higher level of confidence by looking at the other candidates and examiners. A tip for all of you. Look into a person's eyes when you're talking to them.

But the reason "OK" for the paper was that the questions were given much earlier prior to the exam, Thus, I'm doubting if I'll do that good during the 'real' exam.

And, the papers for tomorrow would Pengajian Am (PA) 2 and MUET 4, both are writing papers. I'm kinda frightened on report writing cause it was the one that pulled my marks down the last time. Hopefully, I won't repeat the same mistake again.

As for PA2, I'm unsure about my graphical and essay writing skills. It's still somewhat shaky and not properly stabilized yet. Probably need to the adjust the fulcrum of this see-saw.

So, all the best guys. Hopefully, all of our hardwork will pay off. Peace.

Zip it or unzip it?

Uttering venomous letters that are jumbled up together can be really hazardous at times, depending on which time during the course of day it is injected.

I should probably take extra caution for every word said and I'm sorry to have actually afflicted your emotions just now. I didn't mean it.

Guess my brand of humor is not entirely accepted by the whole community, adding that this is not the first time such occurrences happened.

I've read somewhere stating that "Too much goodness can damage the soul". I thought about it and it is true in many aspects in life. Trying to portray too much care may turn the tables around and in the end we tend to complain for not getting what we intend to get from our charity. Pro-bono might have been the choice here.

I may sound so selfish and ungrateful by stating that it is by nature that I've acted in a such mischievous manner earlier. But, it really is and somehow it is quite unnecessary to topple over the stone. However, I do need to do some cleaning up under that rock. Even the whitest of cloth may get dirty if it's not washed.

So again, if you're reading this and understand, I would just want to say sorry and to say that it won't happen again is a lie. But I'll try to mitigate it next time.

Have a nice day!

Auguste Rodin, can you sculpt another one that looks just like me?

Thinking is not as easy as it may pose to be. Even if you positioned yourself in "The Thinker" style.

Distractions will come in many forms.

I was just contemplating on what to munch or which work to do first when the dog of my next door's house barked. The thing that startled me though was that it barked just once. Just a "woof!" That's it. Maybe it saw something lingering in the middle of the night. Preying under the dim street light. Possessing every darkness that it's body can consume.. Hmm..

So, whenever troubles come and impedes your way, you'll start to THINK why is it happening.

When people talk bout you, you'll THINK why is it happening.

Sometimes when people talk rubbish, you'll try so hard to THINK what do they mean though you know the fact that you'll know what it is.

Even choosing an outfit requires deep THINKing.

I can go on and on but I THINK I won't do that. You should THINK why I do so.

You even THINK why you want to THINK in the first place.

Everyday, I hear the slightest hint of the word THINK.

"Boleh saya jumpa dengan ketua THINKatan?"

"THINKgalkan beg di sana."

"Siapa yang lap THINKap hari ini?"

"THINKatkan lagi usaha anda"

"Eh, kamu ada tengok THINK(Ting) kha?"

"Apa yang penTHINK?"

"Saya tinggal di THINKat lima"

"Eh Rex, rambut kamu kerinTHINK oh?"

"I'm in the toilet, shiTHINK"

Anyway, tomorrow's another school day and exam is coming up. I'll be sure to come more prepared this time.

Sherlock Holmes, lend me your intellect just for a moment as I literally need to be street smart during these last battles.

Titom and Dom, lend me your vocab.

Einstein, help me slow down time because your hair is so cool.

Newton, teach me calculus since it was you who created it, before I throw an apple at you.

Oh, ancient Greek legends, lend me your wisdom.

And anyone, help me be like this guy :

Malaysia day is declared a public holiday beginning next year.

If you have at least glanced or listened at/to your surroundings, you might have heard that September 16th is declared a public holiday starting next year.

Phwaaa...!!!!

"Prime Minister Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak said the day would involve activities that would foster the 1Malaysia spirit." - StarOnline

Who would have thought that it would take 46 freaking years for our leaders to realize the importance of September 16th.

I hope this little - for most Semenanjungs who doesn't actually care - yet huge - for us Sarawakians who expected something out the historical date - piece of news,  would not cause any political uproar, especially during this fragile moments.

Tanah Melayu had gotten their independence on 31st August 1957 and when Sabah, Sarawak and Singapore decided to join in the formation of Malaysia, the event was suppose to take place on 31st August 1963, but due to some impediments, it was delayed till 16 days later. Unfortunately - or fortunately, you decide -, Singapore left the federation 2 years later. Educated Malaysians should know this simple fact.

So, this wonderful piece of news definitely depicts the true spirit of being a Malaysian. Even if it took more than four decades for "them" to realize it.

Though one thing still preys my mind, if it is really to foster the "1Malaysia" spirit, will Malaysia day be more meaningful or "Tanah Melayu Day" would still be more a greater celebration? Our PM did mention :

"National Day on Aug 31 would be celebrated with formal events such as a parade to commemorate the historical moment and it would remind the people about the struggle in achieving independence from the colonists."

-I'm not sure what's the message here. - And :

"Malaysians would have a twin celebration, to commemorate the country’s independence starting next year."

-How's that? Does that mean that the government will spend a lot on both celebrations?-

Anyway, thank you Malaysia. I'm thankful. I'll surely be more patriotic next year. *I think. :P*

This certainly calls for a celebration, doesn't it? But I'll wait for next year's celebration.

I solely hope that it is not a political gimmick.

Shhh...! Start talking!

To listen to someone is to understand. So you'll understand a certain situation more if you zip it and be attentive instead.

To talk to someone is to share our thoughts, emotions and feelings. That's the way to show that we trust.

But what if we happen to be over-attentive and over-talkative?

Now, that's a whole different story.

Remove your cloak.

It's funny yet interesting somehow that people would hide something in such a peculiar manner.

You know the times when you fell so down and unwanted or most commonly known as " EMO " , your ingenious mind would start to come up with the most absurd reasons that even we ourselves who projected them could not understand.

A simple question is asked and the answer received is a pretty long one, but here's the catch, - it has nothing to do with the question in the first place -.

Maybe when these kind of people who answered in this vague way, their thinking was that the questioner would read the overly extended answer and eventually forget what the question was in the first place.

Sometimes too, maybe these prolonged answers may turn the table around. Making the other party feel dismayed for having asking it.

Surely, when we attend a speech or reading an essay, after listening or hearing for a moment, you would get the general idea on what the whole thing is about. Solely, you wouldn't want the speaker or writer to go out of topic, right? Stay on the road.

Why make the ones you seriously bother looking after drown in a sea of bewilderment? Would you eventually come and swim through the tide just to pull him out? Did it all start just to propagate your own altruistic being?

Think about it. We always have ran from our troubles and the sad thing is, many do not realize it themselves, but sometimes, the ones you love may see that you're disguising yourself and that stirs the care within them. Caring is a righteous act, isn't it? Though there are moments that we forget why we are depressed in the first place.

Remove that shroud around us. Don't just digest the world around us. Look into ourselves and ask this, "Why is this the right choice?"

Understanding needs persistence. - A friend -

Day 3 of boring elongated school hours. Day 3 of deteriorated air quality. Day 3 of going through sleep deprived state. What's next?

Interesting points of the day :

• The haze is getting no better. The Sun still looked like Mars.


• Assembly was full of raised voices by the 'disciplinary teachers'. I don't blame them. Probably adjusting their temper to the hot weather.


• I realized for the gazillion times that students will not be attentive during assembly no matter how 'loud' the speaker is. Sweet talking doesn't help solve the problems. Screaming at them is no better. My advice is just punish (student's often unheard advice). No talk. Just action.


• Fire engines only arrive after the fire had been out. The top floor of a flat caught on fire this morning and it was put off (by unknown means) before the wailing of the fire engine's siren was audible.


• "Halal" sign on a restaurants' doors will not change any facts.


• The haze seriously looks cool at night.